Rosie and the Magnificent Seven

I would never have expected that at 33 years old I would have had to say goodbye to two close friends within a month of each other. Indeed, this time last year the possibility of being diagnosed with cancer and undergoing a year of brutal treatment would just have seemed like something that happened to other people. But here we are.

A month to the day after our darling JoJo passed away, we also lost another member of our group of seven. Rosie was the 'big sister' of our group. She was incredibly clever and articulate and as have said in one of my previous blog posts, the kind of person I want to be when I grow up. I admire Rosie possibly more than anyone I've ever met and always felt a little in awe of her. Like JoJo, she was given a diagnosis of secondary breast cancer in her liver within months after her primary diagnosis. Like JoJo, she passed away less than a year after her primary diagnosis. Like JoJo, we miss her incredibly.

Rosie was one of the first women I spoke to when I joined the Younger Breast Cancer Network. We went through our chemotherapy for primary breast cancer at the same time. In November last year, she single handedly arranged a meet up in London which I was unable to go to - much to my disappointment - due to chemotherapy side effects. I can remember her e-mailing me and telling me how much she wanted to meet me and that she felt an affinity with me as we were diagnosed around the same time.

Rosie dealt with her illness with complete class and grace and always had the time to be a calming and soothing influence on the rest of us, no matter how much she may have been struggling herself. She made sure she was regularly checking in on me after my operation because of my less than positive experience in hospital.  She was the one who picked me up after Claire (another member of the network) passed away suddenly and I felt as if all the fight had been sucked from my body. I can remember her delight of being part of a 'gang' and how excited she was when we all met in London in February. In one of the many, many conversations between the seven of us, we found a picture of seven female superheros and assigned a member of our group to each superhero (yes - we quite often needed ways to entertain ourselves during treatment!). Rosie was Wonderwoman - I think this describes her perfectly.

JoJo's passing was so quick and unexpected and we never got to say goodbye, although we are sure she knew how much we loved her. Although Rosie's deterioration was quick, her passing was something that we had prepared ourselves for. The week before her death, the five of us visited her in hospital. That day we there was a glimmer of hope that she would pull back and that she would be back with us fighting Genghis once more. In fact, as we left she told us to go to the pub that afternoon and that next time she would be with us. Sadly the next day we were informed that her doctors had brought the devastating news that they could no longer treat her cancer and that the only options left to her were palliative. Once again it seemed inconceivable that we could lose another beautiful, wonderful young woman to this cruel disease. Rosie passed away a week after our visit. I am so thankful that we got to see her, to make her laugh, to kiss her and to tell her how much we loved her.

Rosie leaves behind two beautiful children, a devoted husband, family and friends. It is testament to how much Rosie was respected and admired by others that after her death there was an outpouring of sorrow from those who had never met Rosie but had followed her story through her blog 'Fighting Genghis'. Her husband Elliot now continues Rosie's legacy by writing her blog and by honouring Rosie's wish to have a charity established in her name. I know that Elliot wishes to ensure that their children know just how much their mum meant to others and I hope that we can be part of that.

Suddenly our group of seven has become five. In a matter of weeks we have lost two people who have been a constant presence day and night for months. One minute they are there. The next they aren't. 

I still find it very difficult to speak about JoJo and Rosie in the past tense. One of the reasons for this is that I don''t feel that it is possible for people with such vital presence and such positive influence on others to ever really leave us. They live on through family, friends and those who had the privilege to know them. 

Our group will always be seven. Rosie and JoJo will always be with us. Every time we share a silly joke, a story about treatment side effects or soothing, sensible words when one of us is having an emotional tremor, they are with us. Every time we meet and drink a little too much wine, they will be with us. Every photo we have taken together they will be with us.

We will always be seven - forever and always xxx

International Women's Day 2015 Love-in!

Today is International Women's Day. Let's face it - women are fucking brilliant. So I've written this post to recognise some of the women in my life who are very important to me and make the world a better place by being in it!

To my female friends who are not mentioned by name in this post, please don't be offended -  I love you very much and I want thank you for all your support during the last few months.

My mum: she has been my rock throughout my diagnosis and my treatment. I can't begin to imagine how hard it must  have been  for her to watch her child go through such a horrific experience and still manage to keep it together as she has. I will never be able to thank her enough for all that she has done for me. I love her to the moon and back.

Tara: one of my closest friends who I admire greatly. She is clever and successful and has had to deal with so much, well - shit, frankly but has still been there for me constantly during my illness and treatment. 

Sally: Probably one of the nicest, patient and kind people I know and who has listened to me rant on many occasion and is always the voice of reason!

Rj and Angela:  two of my lovely friends who have been fantastic - from buying me lovely presents to visiting me in hospital and accompanying me on boozy nights out when I've been well enough!

Katie: currently undergoing treatment for her second cancer diagnosis and has still found the time to provide me with valauble support.

Rachel: my wonderful oldest friend and part time unicorn!

Natalie, Carly and Cat: three girles who I met in Thailand and am grateful to still be in touch with. Even though Natalie is battling with her own ill health she has never lost her sparkle!

My wonderful gang of breast cancer bitches. Six beautiful women, without whom I would definitely not have been able to get through the last few months. I speak to them everyday about EVERYTHING and in a way I am grateful for cancer because it has brought us together.

We recently met up in London and carnage ensued....

Lots of duckfaces...

Smiles.....

Wig swapping...

And gossipping....

I want to say a little bit about each of them, so major slush alert!!

Sarah: I love this girl. She's kind and thoughtful and more beautiful and clever than she ever gives herself credit for.

Aimee: the sweetest thing ever! I think she has sugar running through her veins...

Cinzia: rock chick with an amazing smile and a fighting spirit.

Rosie: I want to be like Rosie when I grow up. She's has been dealt a shit hand but continues to handle it with complete elegance and class.

Andrea: bloody gorgeous and funny with tons of positivity.

JoJo: hilarious, talented and downright naughty. She has also been dealt a crappy blow, but she hasn't let it take away her vivacity and zest for life.

I have admiration and respect for these women by the bucket load.

Of course I need mention Victoria Yates, the founder of the Younger Breast Cancer Network, without which I would never have met them!

And haven't forgotten my other Younger Breast Cancer friends  - Heather, Diane, Tara, Nicola, Laura, Kate, Christina and Hannah to name just a few. You are all amazing Superwomen - thank you so much for being in my life and for being downright awesome.

And to finish I'd just like to say...

WOMEN FUCKING ROCK!!!!

Thank you cancer

Having cancer is shit. It sucks. The fear, the anxiety, the grueling treatment that takes away most of what you once were and leaves behind a person that you no longer recognise when you look in the mirror. The total uncertainty about the future. It brings in to question relationships and friendships and leads to disappointment and sadness as people who you thought would be there for you fade away gradually. It can be lonely, isolating and frustrating.

But it can also bring pleasant surprises. Support from people that you would never have expected it from. The strengthening of some friendships. The people that come through for you. Simple random acts of kindness that make your day. Meeting some fantastic, wonderful people. 

I spent the day on Friday drinking prosecco and mulled wine and talking all things breast cancer with two wonderful ladies from the Younger Breast Cancer Network. I can't stress enough what having the support and company of people going through the same experience means. We're all members of the club that no one wants to be in. We've talked about hair loss, side effects and surgery. These ladies have made me smile and laugh at times when I just wanted curl up in a ball and cry. They've calmed me down when I've wound myself up in to a panic. They have been there day and night when I've needed someone to talk to. Its been one hell of a shit year but meeting these ladies has made it just that little bit better. Thank you cancer for bringing them in to my life.

Breast cancer awareness month malarkey.....

As many of you may know, October is breast cancer awareness month. Cue the saturation of the world with all things pink for four weeks.  But for what purpose? I mean, everyone knows about breast cancer right? It’s the most common cancer in the UK. Around 55,000 people are diagnosed with breast cancer each year. One in eight women will be diagnosed with breast cancer in their life time. The openness and honestly of celebrities like Kylie Minogue have ensured that breast cancer has appeared on the public’s antennae and stayed there.

I know that breast cancer awareness month provides excellent opportunities for charities to raise awareness about their services, to increase donations, gather support for campaigning work and to reach out to those who may be in need and I fully support that. I can’t help feel however, that sometimes the real, important messages about breast cancer get lost in the plethora of pink and tits. The amount of times I've heard 'well, its not that big a deal now a days is it?' scares me. And breast cancer is often sexualised like no other cancer – I refer to The Sun's Check 'Em Tuesday and the Playboy Club London's #bunniesinpink as examples.  I don’t even want to think about the photo of the ‘save second base’ t-shirt I recently saw on Twitter…

So, in the midst of all things pink, I want to provide you with some information and facts about breast cancer, some taken from brilliant websites like Breast Cancer Care and Cancer Research UK but also personal, from the heart stories. I want you to hear from young women who have been personally affected by breast cancer – about the signs they spotted, how they were diagnosed and their treatment.  I want to raise awareness that no one is too young to get breast cancer and that every young woman should be vigilant regarding any changes to her body.  I want you to hear from the heart what it means to be diagnosed with this disease and the effect that it has on your life. How all of a sudden you are plunged in to a whirlwind of tests, scans, results, hospital appointments and gruelling treatment that leaves you feeling like you no longer recognise yourself anymore and that the person you once were has been lost forever.  That breast cancer is not all ribbons, fluffy teddies and pink tea towels. 

But I also want you to share in the pride and awe that I feel regarding my wonderful friends from the Younger Breast Cancer Network. Many of these women I have never met in person but yet every day I know they are just a keyboard away, willing to take the time to respond to any fears, concerns or rants despite battling through diagnosis, treatment and the aftermath of breast cancer themselves.

So, during the month of October, as my contribution to breast cancer awareness month, I will be featuring a number of personal stories written by some of these wonderful women on my blog. I hope you find them as bloody fantastic as I do.